In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
