Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
