I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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