The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize