Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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