on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
