Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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