we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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