8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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