Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
