did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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