Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
