By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
