GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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