Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize