Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
