R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Two words: nipple clamps
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