I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
