i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
