I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize