Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
