I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
