Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
