I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
