All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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