We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
