at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
