I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
