he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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