Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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