I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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