dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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