but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
