I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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