saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dick has a subreddit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
