I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
