I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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