i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
