So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
