so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
