was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
