what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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