Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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