omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
