I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
