does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
