So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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