As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
