she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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