dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
