there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
