I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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