He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize