who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
