some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
