Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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