I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
