2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have fence marks all over my body
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
