I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
