I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
