I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
