True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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