he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
